Know this, my beloved kin: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak... -James 1:19a
Lord I’ve been watching the unfolding of the Covin19 outbreak and people's responses, including my
own. People, including myself, appear to be in search of hope and answers. We all play out these
desires in our own ways, some positively base, others influenced more heavily by fear. As You have
inspired me to do in the past, I am inspired to blog and this is the challenge: What can I say and offer
that hasn’t already been said and offered?
own. People, including myself, appear to be in search of hope and answers. We all play out these
desires in our own ways, some positively base, others influenced more heavily by fear. As You have
inspired me to do in the past, I am inspired to blog and this is the challenge: What can I say and offer
that hasn’t already been said and offered?
I’m not a healthcare professional. I don’t have a political or practical slant offer. I have no unique
online donation cause to herald, no extra toilet paper to put out on the auction block. What is it You
would have me say?
online donation cause to herald, no extra toilet paper to put out on the auction block. What is it You
would have me say?
I do have some extra time right now. My job functions, like many have been curtailed, and I have
these writing skills. I’m even writing a book right now on listening skills and...oh, that’s the topic You
would want me to share? Listening. Right, I hear You loud and clear.
these writing skills. I’m even writing a book right now on listening skills and...oh, that’s the topic You
would want me to share? Listening. Right, I hear You loud and clear.
As I have been exploring the way we listen, I’ve come to realize most of us, when asked to share
“our story”, begin in the moment - what is happening right now. Some of us will reluctantly share
pieces of our past and hopes for our future, but few, even when encouraged, know how to begin
where it all began; from our first moments in time as best we can recall them, without retreating
straight back to the safety of our carefully crafted front-page news talking points.
“our story”, begin in the moment - what is happening right now. Some of us will reluctantly share
pieces of our past and hopes for our future, but few, even when encouraged, know how to begin
where it all began; from our first moments in time as best we can recall them, without retreating
straight back to the safety of our carefully crafted front-page news talking points.
It takes great practice. It takes great perseverance and honesty.
As for those of you out there listening right now, like me you probably would struggle in asking
another person to share their origins, their creation story. And then, like me you would have as
difficult a time hearing the person out without interrupting and without trying to immediately infuse
your opinions and story into theirs.
another person to share their origins, their creation story. And then, like me you would have as
difficult a time hearing the person out without interrupting and without trying to immediately infuse
your opinions and story into theirs.
It takes great practice. It takes great silence and humility.
I have been practicing and still need practice. So why not begin by listening to You, Lord? In
silence and humility. And in this way I am learning from Your example how to listen better to others.
You are teaching me even in this moment: You, my Savior have incredibly listened to my story with
the exact silence and humility You would teach to me.
silence and humility. And in this way I am learning from Your example how to listen better to others.
You are teaching me even in this moment: You, my Savior have incredibly listened to my story with
the exact silence and humility You would teach to me.
I even have been inspired to share with others, in perseverance and honesty, how I have learned to
listen. It’s part of my story, Lord, so by Your urging, I’ll offer it now to any who would allow me to share.
listen. It’s part of my story, Lord, so by Your urging, I’ll offer it now to any who would allow me to share.
UnMeasuring Relational Listening Method*
Find someone to listen to and ask this simple question: “Would you mind sharing with me your
origins―your story―from your perspective?”
origins―your story―from your perspective?”
- Shut up: Let the person talk as long as they want.
- Hearing Check Summary: “So what I hear you saying is… (you are…; you were…;
- Avoid adverbs such as “think, believe, like, hate”.
- Shut up: Let the person respond as long as they want.
When the Story-creator is through…
- Thank them sincerely for openly sharing.
- DO NOT offer suggestions of things they should or might do differently.
Be prepared to offer your story (only if invited to share). Explain that you would appreciate
their listening without interruption, doing a Hearing Check and not offering any opinions for
change (just as you modeled for them).
their listening without interruption, doing a Hearing Check and not offering any opinions for
change (just as you modeled for them).
If they do not want to hear your story, or insist in offering opinions/manipulation of your story;
thank them and politely end the encounter. Don’t be offended, this is an unusual relational approach
that some are just not ready to try.
thank them and politely end the encounter. Don’t be offended, this is an unusual relational approach
that some are just not ready to try.
*Alert – this is going to take practice and patience. You will most likely not “get it right”
the first few times around. The only way to get it right is to keep trying to get it right!
It is not an easy thing to do. It is the most serious of ventures; entering into life’s confession with
hopes of discovering commonality and trust through relationship. But it is one of the truest things to
do, and in this moment of struggle that the whole world is sharing, Your word, Your story tells me
that my sharing is the right thing to do.
hopes of discovering commonality and trust through relationship. But it is one of the truest things to
do, and in this moment of struggle that the whole world is sharing, Your word, Your story tells me
that my sharing is the right thing to do.
For some of us, this may be the first opportunity for our story to be heard, and for us to hear other’s
stories. For some of us, a sad reality is this may be the last opportunity to have our story heard and
to seek community by hearing the stories of others.
stories. For some of us, a sad reality is this may be the last opportunity to have our story heard and
to seek community by hearing the stories of others.
Whatever the case, Jesus, my Lord and Listener, I pray You give me and any who are seeking, the
desire and the conviction to listen and share as You did and are; as a partner in a lifetime of eternal
hope.
desire and the conviction to listen and share as You did and are; as a partner in a lifetime of eternal
hope.
Shema,
Mark C.
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