Deep End Faith: 5-9-2020 Lord, I should…

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.

―Isaiah 55:8

Lord, I should be in Israel right now.

That could easily be my thought, but what is the basis for such a statement? Back at the end of 2019, You know that my wife and I committed to a plan for taking five additional travelers with us to the Land of Milk and Honey. We had prayed about and believed we had received confirmation that our plan was Your plan.

Enter the strange times of Covid19. Early on, we remained hopeful that everything would work out, because, after all, You had encouraged us on this path―we were sure of it! But events further unfolded, quarantines ensued, airlines cancelled flights, and the social-workings/economies of the world froze in time. And so, I am not in Israel right now.

I observed other travelers in similar circumstances who also were taken by surprise. Several in fact dared to travel to another country during the early onset of the viral spread and were sent packing after conditions rapidly changed. Others like us were refused the option to travel altogether and found themselves either reconciling their desires with Yours, or resenting the incursion of unwanted change to their arrangements.

Yes, in honesty, I was confused, Lord. Why build up our expectations when, with your Foreknowing, Omniscient abilities, You could have discouraged us from the start? Wouldn’t that have been the better plan?

How arrogant am I, that I should consider I know Your ways? Maybe by way of Your encouragement, our group has developed greater communion with one another. Maybe by way of Your smiling on our anticipation, prayers, and enthusiasm, we have found deeper relationship with You. Maybe, just maybe, all of what is happening is not completed―That, I should think, is the higher consideration. Maybe, no, certainly, in my heart and mind, I should realize You have future plans for us to consider.

Mmmm, this gets me to thinking that maybe I should not only consider my travel plans and inconveniences as being knit into Your tapestry, but all of the plans I have designed, all the aspects of my life, should be considered consequences of my will either coalescing with, or opposing Yours.

In this moment of consideration, I should not speculate on the positive or negative aspects of Your design, or on my reactions. I should not venture a guess as to where this all leads, who will benefit, who might not. Just as Your son did when called to, what I should try to do are the hardest things of all…submit and trust. That will even require me to accept that I should reexamine what it is that defines Your benefits. And then I should choose and be ready to receive an alternative calling from You, different from my selfish expectations.

I should try, Lord, to submit. I should struggle to trust. “Should”, and “Will”. Which will it be, Lord?

Help me…cause―just as the psalmist pleaded with You to cause―me to hear and respond to the words of Your lovingkindness. Help me to walk with others as we wrestle to discover humility in the moment, to understand and embrace Your ways.