Since then we have a great high priest who
has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our
confession. For we do not have a high
priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every
respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with
confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find
grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews
4:14-16
Perspective is such a
challenging gift, Lord. If I look at things from my personal point of view, it’s
very difficult to find hope for the future. If I view life through the prism of
Your word, I cannot fail. Perspective can never be foreseen and yet is seldom
appreciated when finally beheld. Let the following be a testimony to my
appreciation:
Several months ago, I lost yet another job. The
circumstances are unimportant; blame is at this point, irrelevant. At the point of exit, I confess that I had to
fight my normal impulses. I could easily have (because I’ve proven it in the
past) withdrawn in self-pity or lashed out unpredictably, selfishly and
blindly. It could have been all about my individual persecution; how I needed
to fix things to protect my interests, my family, my way of life. It could have
been all about the panic of a man way past “prime time” in the world of work,
wandering without a prayer, for new opportunity.
You would have none of that, Lord. Others may
scratch their heads when they hear it, but I heard You plainly, clearly—two
simple words spoken to my simple mind.
“Trust, obey.”
And so began the comedy: Mark accepting a night job
with a shipping company, loading boxes onto unheated trucks in the dead of
winter; watching and listening, not for ways to escape, but for an opening to
proclaim Your majesty. I made friends and quickly won a reputation for
encouraging others and being a source of…it’s so funny…hope.
Meanwhile, hunting for other opportunities was, as
always a question of questions: What is available for one such as me in this
time of economic recession. What can I offer that others cannot? What can be
done to avoid jumping from the proverbial frying pan (of a poorly matched work
relationship) into the fire of misrepresented expectations?
“Trust, obey,” You reminded me.
Amazingly other positions became readily evident. I
was surprised to find that I was in demand. Yes the pay scales were down, yes
the work was different: but I began to see my options expanding; Your hope
leading me.
Just when I was ready to choose, based on what I
thought You were providing, You threw me a spiritual curve ball. A company I had
not applied to contacted me based on my Merchant Services and sales background.
Here’s the funniest part of the story, Lord: I tried to discourage their
interest.
“I’m vested in my processing business. It’s not a
fortune, but I will not sacrifice it to take a similar position.”
Their response: “We’re
not asking you to sacrifice your sales residuals”
“I’m not interested in a sales job paying commissions
only and I need benefits.”
Their
response: “We will give you what you want.”
As much as I tried to convince them of my “oddness”,
the more they seemed to want a relationship. Finally I relented. Why not? All
was above board.
And that's when the fun began. Peering back at The Miracles Behind (one of my favorite
images You have lent to me), I see Your presence was in all of this. There was
nothing I could do wrong. All of the pieces came together and our working
partnership has blossomed beyond mine and my new business partners’ wildest
expectations.
I’ve been given another chance, a greater chance. Once
more, my slate is wiped clean. This time I seem to have been given an upgrade
to SLATE version 2.0. What do I do with this new blank page Lord? What does our
walk together look like going forward?
Ha, I get it. The answer is within the question: To
know the answer, I must choose to follow, not lead. And oh yes, in following, I
must be ready at any moment to be once again corrected and reshaped. I don’t
have any idea how long this new blessing will be sustained. I’ve learned not to
care about such trivial things. What I do know is that I must continue to
listen for your instruction, and when You command to Trust and Obey; whether I
am or am not walking Your path well, I need to be ready for amazing things to
happen, I need to be prepared for change
and prepared to be changed.
In my reasoning, I go back in time to when the Israelites
tried to take the lead; crafting a golden calf in an effort to give You a “new
look”. When Moses discovered their attempt to redefine Your character, he broke
Your instructional tablets in anger. You, in true form, rewrote the exact same
commands. Pointing out Your unchanging ways, asking Your people to be ever
changing, comparing ourselves to Your character, seeking ways to reflect Your
beautiful plan for mankind. Patience has always been a struggle for me Lord.
Forgive my belated recognition of Your patience for my benefit.
Now I see (though through my dimly reflective
mirror) what Your plan has been from the onset. Whether I am in a great place
as I am now, or whether I am in dire circumstances, I must be a light for
others, shining not on my own circumstances, but pointing toward the only perfect
solution; Trust in and Obedience to the King of the Kingdom.
Interesting, my new business partnership reminds me
much of Your and my relationship – As much as I have tried to demonstrate to You,
my “oddness”, the more You seem to want a relationship. You remind me through
scripture and by Your own example and by the testimony of others, that Your
plan is better. Whatever You have in store for me will have nothing to do with
my desires, but Yours. Whatever Your desires are dwarf my puny vision. All You
ask is that I be patient, trusting and obedient to the “wiping clean” of my
clumsy attempts to re-write Your direction for me. Then, just as with all Your
people have before me, I will better appreciate the road You have prepared for
our journey together.
Lord, thank You for clean slates: For every reworked
opportunity You provide; every trial and every reward used to teach me how to
better Trust and Obey.
In Love and worship of You,
Mark C.
