For you yourselves know, brothers, that our coming to you was not in vain.
But though we had already suffered and been shamefully treated at Philippi, as you know, we
had boldness in our God to declare to you the gospel of God in the midst of much conflict.
For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive,
but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to
please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.
For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed—God is witness.
1Thessalonians 2:2-5
It happened when I was invited to a men’s breakfast. A good friend, who has a great loving heart, encouraged me to join them and I have to admit, I was curious as to how these brothers in you, Jesus had been doing. Our family had walked away from their congregation because of doctrinal differences that seemed at the time, irreconcilable. Since that time, I have kept in touch with some of those individuals, but for the most part have kept myself distant.
Messiah, you know all of this, and you know the uncomfortable mix of emotions and dissonance that percolated within my soul as I walked through the door into the event. I have always had a difficult time trying to explain to those who walk a different spiritual path, why the things that caused our family to break away are so compelling to us. And now the potential for someone asking, “Why did you leave,” would be literally laid out on the breakfast table. What would I say? I love these people still. Sure, some of them (two in fact) already had asked for my explaination early on in our separation, but that was in private. For the most part, few at the church seemed concerned with our exodus and so there had been no exploration of our differences.
This men’s fellowship however was a very public venue without any formal structure—just the kind of environment where such a seemingly innocent question might come up. If it did arise, didn’t I owe them my honesty? Would they be ready for my answer? I know, Master, that when I open my mouth, “things” come out and I wanted to be careful not to injure, but to engage. Would the venue allow that?
As it turned out, the gathering itself was quite innocuous. There was a time when the subject of “feasting” came up. I offered some teaching I had received about Leviticus and Your appointed Feast’s, YWHW. That didn’t seem to be an area of much interest to them. So mostly, I listened, hearing in the undercurrents of conversation, some of the same subtle differences that encouraged us to veer away in the first place. I sensed from You though, that this was not the time or place to sharpen iron with iron. So the conversation remained superficial.
I volunteered to help clean the kitchen after our time together; thinking you, Lord had allowed me to dodge a bullet. That’s when one of the men, a newer member of the group whom I had not met before, asked me how long ago I had attended the church and I told him.
“So why did you leave?” He responded.
There it was, the hanging curve ball, ready to be knocked out of the park. And still I hesitated.
“Our family felt compelled to be involved in a smaller church environment that included homechurch-group participation,” I explained.
It was not untrue. It just wasn’t all the truth. This clan of men weren’t really familiar with the whole home-group concept and I knew that. I knew it would get a strange look (which it did) and then a nod and then we were on to other more banal stuff. The idea of washing dishes over the deeper divisions of denominational discourse was just too unappetizing.
I left the gathering still feeling unresolved in my spirit, Lord. I don’t believe you meant for me to take it any further than I did, and I also don’t think the discussion is over. As with most journeys, there are points of engagement along the way, but You, God, always shape the timeline of our growth in progressive steps. Relationships are never final, even when there seem to be great distances to be traveled for reconciliation to happen. You relentlessly bring us ever closer, even as we struggle to pull away.
I suspect, Lord, that others have experienced this same kind of wrestling. I have watched individuals and families disengage from a church community, sometimes disappearing without a trace. I have observed fellow believers and pastors in congregations literally ignore the absence, never addressing in “the personal”, that an arm or a leg, or a toe or even a hair has gone missing from the body. What has happened to the example you offered, of redemption? Do we think that only pertains to our individual walk with you? Do we think that we somehow get a pass when we walk away, or when we know someone else has walked away?
I sense that You want me continue this dialogue with my old church family—not to push for some sort of vindication, but to invite mutual exploration of truth. Your Truth. Jesus, I already have plans for getting together with my friend, the one who dared to re-offer his hand of brotherly fellowship. I intend to seek his wise council on this matter as well. If nothing else, his and my relationship may strengthen from the discussion and together, we may draw closer to you in the process.
As my wife and I ready for our trip to Israel, this lesson in relationships begs another powerful question for me. Am I on a journey of reconciliation with my Jewish brothers and sisters as well? Can I learn from them and they from me, how we might come to a better understanding of you, our Messiah? Might we dare to become that close?
No Lord, I am not trying to become Jewish, just as I am not trying to go back to old, flawed patterns of theological thinking (that statement alone should inspire a lively conversation with my brothers!) What I hear you compelling me to do is to share my story and my journey with those who have not walked in new territory. What I hear you advising is to understand their outlook, not to embrace but to encourage comparisons. In doing so, You Spirit will influence us all toward a more complete picture of obedience.
Messiah Jesus, the reason I share all of this is simply in pray and preparation, to walk as you would have me walk, toward your mission for my life. I simply desire you to hold my hand and guide me. Will others listen? Only you and they can answer that. Will I be blessed by the dialogue and the fellowship? Most certainly: it is Your will, Father, I pray it be done in anticipation of complete fellowship with another friend, my best and perfect friend Jesus, who is soon coming again to dwell with us. May I be totally prepared for THAT conversation!
Blessings,
Mark C.
