6-9-2019 Critique of the Critiquers

I was at an Authors Event, where various writers, including me, sat on panels to answer audience questions regarding our craft. There was a woman, also a writer in the room who raised her hand when we discussed the concept of Christian content.

“Do Christians ever write books of criticism on Christianity?” was her question.

The tenor of the inquiry suggested she was not a follower of you, Messiah, and that perhaps she had an axe to grind. Regardless, I appreciated both her courage to ask and wondered at the origins of the query. The panel encouraged that yes, Christian writers throughout history have and still do hold up the harsh light of opinion upon the church. For good reason too―we do not often enough follow your perfect example in our daily walk. There are countless commentaries on faith serving to point us toward honest reflection and correction, but do we countlessly seek agreement as suggested by chapters and verses in the book we are so apt to criticize. Thank you again for grace in the struggle of our minds, Jesus, but I pray toward more defense of the complete work, rather than division.

And under the guidance of that hunger, I wanted to reach out to the searching soul who was brave enough to offer the question on her heart to the room we shared. I perceived that the immediate answers our panel had offered were not quite satisfactory to her wondering. So, after the discussion, I approached her and learned that indeed she had had a negative experience in her formative years with some proclaimed Christian group. Whether by their instruction to her, or by her perception, she felt judged; not by your Word, but by her peers.

I was saddened on reflection. First, because it didn’t need to be that way; their choices and hers led to a parting instead of an invitation to learn and grow together. Lord, I totally get the “resistance factor”, wanting my ways as they are now, to be your ways. That’s where you met me and changed me. But at some point I had to become something I hadn’t considered attractive; I had to become submissive to another’s…your thoughts, your instruction which was not in sync with my thoughts and direction.

At that turning point, I started realizing I was the “issue”, not your plan. Now, I was observing a young woman who, like me did not seem to understand the very essence of your conviction on us. We are by nature critiquers. The tricky road being of course that the world (as evidenced by this woman’s position) seems to expect me to criticize you when in fact it is me and all of us in need of correction. But that means we all have to join together, standing before the mirror of your measuring―a very uncomfortable place to be…at least initially.

Yet, there is help to be had in the effort to shift direction. On this day in that room, you stepped in, Spirit. While I was later talking one-on-one with the questioner, another man walked up to us and introduced himself as a recent joiner of the faith. His amazing confession? “It took me until I was 60 plus years old to realize I was the one getting in the way of my belief in a loving Savior.”

Wow. He went on to explain that he was an engineer who recently visited a congregation with his son. The pastor presented a position diametrically opposed to this man’s belief, so he came back to confront and work out the disagreement (oh, this sounds so familiar, Lord). In that conflict the man discovered Truth; not his, not the pastor’s, but yours, Teacher) and in that moment, the new man was born.

Any additional words I might have offered to underscore his witness would have been pointless. He had just reduced commentary to a simple equation already clearly offered in the writings of your servant, James:

But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will stir within you and lift you up.

I still pray for the woman’s struggle, Lord, as I pray for my own ongoing resistance to be wiped clean. AS my new found friend in the faith beautifully portrayed, it is not as simple as asking you to improve me, but is more my willingness in humility to be improved. Let that be the condition we all seek, in your name, Jesus, perfecter of our faith.

Thank you, Lord, again, for teaching and loving your people toward a closer walk with you.

―It is so.

Mark C.

4-29-2019 You-Turn

"But even now," declares the LORD, "return to me with all your heart- with fasting, crying, and mourning."

Tear your hearts, not your clothes. Return to the LORD your God. He is merciful and compassionate, patient, and always ready to forgive and to change his plans about disaster.

           ―Joel 2:12-13

Lord, I’m revisiting the moments before your crucifixion and resurrection. Yes, I know that moment in time, the most amazing moment so far, is past. Your work on the cross and your act of restoration for your creation is completed. I get that.

But there are still things you ask me to learn from that moment. Some of those things include the very language I just used, drawn out of your Word, to instruct me in just how I am to follow. The words that convict me today are “revisit” and “restore”, both can be described by another word used extensively in the text: 

Repent. 

I confess that I used to get defensive when I read that you request repentance of me. “I have repented; you are my Lord,” I would say. But you have led me to realize there are two very different definitions in your inspired text; each suggesting two very different options for me to choose from when I repent.

The first choice is not a bad one at all: In the Old Testament, it is frequently translated from the word Nâcham: To literally sigh as in feeling sorry, having remorse―As in your reaction, Father God, to the condition of mankind prior to the flood. I too can sigh and feel bad. I fully understand this emotion.

The other word of old that is translated “repent” is shûb, which is an act of returning or turning around. It suggests “restoration” of something that once was―As when in Genesis, Jacob/Israel requested at his death that his children return him to the land you had promised to give him. I have more difficulty with this definition, Lord. It speaks of a change of behavior and attitude, an actual intentional turning, not simply a feeling of remorse that can be later forgotten.

The realization that repentance might be more than regret led me on another questioning journey: Are there also two definitions in the New Testament? Do they mirror the context spoken of before you appeared as the God/Man?

Why would I doubt that you addressed repentance while you dwelt in the flesh! One example of many is when you, Jesus, were taken into custody to be tried and crucified. When Judas realized in what his betrayal would result, the Greek translation says he was “Metamellomai”: regretful after the fact; sorrow-filled. But other than trying to give back the 30 pieces of silver, there was no action on his part of turning around to correct his behavior.

I contrast this with what you asked the people to do when you first appeared in the flesh. “Repent, (metanoeō), for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” Metanoeō means to think differently, afterwards; to turn around and act in a new manner.

 As my wife and I prepare to revisit the Land and to share its amazing heritage with others, I’m convicted to ask, which definition do you require me to adhere to? The answer I read about and hear spoken in my heart of hearts is…”Both”, but more specifically, “One, then the other.”

So Teacher, are you suggesting, I have done less in my life? Do you observe me more typically leaving things at the “sorrow-filled altar”; assuming you are satisfied with the offering of my guilty conscience? In fact, that response happens more than I care to admit when I reflect on my behavior, past, and present. Maybe as I prepare to revisit the restoration miracle of Israel, I first need to revisit my attitude and my acts to make sure they reflect your restoring action in me. After all, if I’m only focused on my feelings, nothing really changes, does it? If you have changed me, then I should look changed. People should see it without my having to brag about it.

I pray that as we prepare to travel and minister, Lord, prepare us. Let your Spirit convict me toward a lifestyle that never denies you, never excuses your presence in my thoughts, words, and deeds. Encourage me to never cease openly celebrating the evidence of your redeeming acts in the world and in me. Cause in me a desire to invite and welcome others to repent, turning-around with, and alongside me. Strengthen our belief as we return to you, our Lord and Savior,

 ―It is so.

Mark C.

3-31-2019 The Honest Answer

2-5-2019 Wait for it

Lord, I'm making progress on my devotional book, the one you have inspired me to pursue. As previously admitted, it's not the easiest writing I've done. In fact, it requires a lot of detailed organization (not my greatest skill) and another strange disciple: Waiting. I am finding that you want me praying carefully about each step and waiting for the right inspirational moment rather than just jumping in with creative vigor. This approach is foreign to me, but I'm trusting that you know what you're doing. And that brings up a bold question: What are you doing while I'm waiting?

Yes God; that thought frequently crosses my mind. Please forgive any perception of arrogance―no I’m not privileged to know your bigger thoughts (I must improve my trust in things unseen). But you made me with a curious mind, you ask me to seek. And you fill with righteousness those who hunger and thirst for it.

The LORD said to Moses, "Come up to me on the mountain and wait there, that I may give you the tablets of stone, with the law and the commandment, which I have written for their instruction."

           ―Exodus 24:12

You had a very specific plan of action in store for Moses and the Israelites. Interestingly you didn’t share (yet) with Moses that, while he was with you on the mountain, your people would be committing adultery below. You weren’t inclined to warn him that he would have to perform unspeakable acts, killing those who instigated the treachery. You didn’t reveal the necessity for another trip back up the mountain to receive a second set of instructions. Wouldn’t it have saved us (and you!) a whole lot of trouble if you had just told Moses in the first place that his first climb would be a futile exercise?

I’m discovering that there is a word closely associated with waiting. The word is teaching. I would not ordinarily connect the two, but you give me new sight in my waiting, and there is the beauty of your way. Being on Spiritual-standby does not mean you have nothing for me to do; that I should not be expectant and seeking in my soul.

Is that what you meant for Sabbath Rest to be about―A time to let your Spirit prepare me for tomorrow’s task; rewarding or arduous as it might be; a time to strengthen me and better instruct me in your ways?

I am in awe of your patience, with me, Father, that you would carefully and methodically lay out the lessons I need―those that encourage and those that convict―only as they become necessary. I would be overwhelmed, perhaps even unable to cope if you were not to carefully and lovingly walk me through the challenges of life.

I ask that you continue to remind me that you provide only enough for me, according to your preparation. Help me to be ready for when tomorrow’s bread arrives.

―It is so.

Mark C.

1-21-2019 Vows and Consonants

And Jephthah came to Mizpah unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances; and she was his only child; beside her he had neither son nor daughter.

And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he rent his clothes, and said: 'Alas, my daughter! thou hast brought me very low, and thou art become my troubler; for I have opened my mouth unto the LORD, and I cannot go back.' 

                                                                                                                ―Jdg 11:34-35

Yes, Lord, I did spell-check the title of this blog. I’ve been reading scripture and testing an epiphany (for me) with fellow studiers, to make sure I’m not on a wild goose chase. Vows and Consonants are exactly what I now want to seek your wise counsel about. So, to the point…

As I develop my devotional concerning your provision of tomorrow’s bread, a difficult subject has peeked its head out of the frozen ground of my comfort zone. The topic has to do with the language I use to commit myself to a person, project, or cause. It also relates to the ways I can mislead myself and others based on that language. All of this boils down to two words: Vow and Oath.

Jesus, you were the one who inspired me to chase the subject, so I won’t insult you by trying to educate in depth; the difference between the two. But in order for my simple brain to grasp the incredible significance of that difference, I’ve got to summarize. It appears that the origins of both words are indeed Biblical and are tied specifically to covenants and contracts (yes, those concepts again!):

To vow as played out in the ancient texts is to state verbally an intended commitment of common-good agreed to by two or more persons; then to act out that statement in good faith.

An oath, on the other hand, is the pledging/stating by one or more people of an irreversible action, regardless of the consequences and irrespective of individual benefit or penalty to the pledgers.

Is one better than the other, a vow vs. an oath? That depends on who you talk to. If I want my way to be the only way, regardless of its effect on others, an oath is the way to go. But that means I am in essence a slave to the commitment. I am inescapably obligated to carry out my commitment.

You, Lord, had some very strong things to say concerning oaths. According to your instructions in Matthew 5, I’m not to make oaths, but rather let the consistent and upright nature of my actions be my promise of future integrity. A more ancient example of an oath-gone-bad was when Jephthah swore to sacrifice whatever was in his doorway in return for a victory in a battle. Though the word “vow” is used in the record, the context and Jephthah's intent were based on an oath and so, poor Jephthah's daughter became an accidental victim of her father’s reckless commitment.

On the other hand, in accurately “vowing a vow”, I should be in concert with anyone else willing to pursue the common good by the same agreed to approach. Regardless of my success in following through, the covenant vow and its intended outcome remain, and the covenant participants are expected to see the commitment through. In a true vow, regardless of my appropriate or inappropriate actions on behalf of my fellow vower(s), the covenant continues. And for each individual, there is grace when along the way an obligation is fumbled. Since the objective of every participant is the same, others are expected to see the purpose through.

And that brings me to the question, Lord: How can I predict the outcome if I fail in fulfilling my vow? Abram had the same concern―his fear of his responsibility to the covenant-vow with you caused a dark spirit to come over him.

But you initiated something else in your vows; you included the prophetic. You and all you prophets spoke in vow language that not only spelled out the best way for each participant to proceed but also very specifically what would happen if the efforts were not made or were redefined by some rogue partner…like me.

I know what must be done, but have in many instances convinced myself that I can “short-cut” my efforts or possibly change the rules on the sly. Yes, Lord, I actually have tried to fake you out…as you know. Forgive me. In the course of my life and commitment with you, I have mistakenly invoked oaths rather than joined you in vow. And because of the prophetic language of your vow with me, I cannot deny that I know what consequences are in store. They are very clearly spelled out. My only hope is in your mercy and grace; neither of which I deserve.

So another question: In my relationship with you now, have I learned not to promise things I shouldn’t dare promise? Have I learned yet to follow you obediently on a common, greater course?

The answer is the same one you gave to Abram, “I will.” You knew then with him and now with me that Abe and I are flawed beings, incapable of perfect covenant. We need perfect help. So your vows include something else; assurances of your faithfulness to circumvent the failing of our faithfulness. You provide with your vows, an opportunity for Consonant (adj. consistently agreeable) relationship.

I have learned that by your graceful actions; and in willingness on my part to vow by your rules: We can do no wrong together. That statement will probably bother many who read it, but if they were to only study in depth the history of how beautifully life plays out when everyone carries out their vows with you correctly, they too would appreciate a new freedom. Odd, that being obedient to you and trusting the covenants you have laid out actually frees me from my personal prison, constructed through the making and carrying-out of selfish oaths.

Selfish oaths? Who says?

You do. You are the original and exclusive rule-maker and ironically then, the only one with the authority to oath/pledge anything. I see now, Lord, that by their very nature, my personal oaths require me to stand on principles of pride―I am selfishly compelled to see them through even if they work against yours and other’s causes. And that is no longer acceptable to me. I desire now to abandon my oath-making behavior and vow to vow with you. But am I a worthy covenant-vow partner? Not at all: That’s why you acted out another vow; committing to and seeing through your own self-sacrifice. In that moment my oaths became unimportant. Your vow has become our vow; if only I will claim it.

And I do, Lord! Thank you for allowing me to join in your plan and your desire. Thank you, Jesus, for being the first to vow for and with me, with any of us on this struggling planet. Now our vows of love for one another have given the possibility of an eternal life beyond the power of any worldly oath.

It is so,

Mark C.

12-25-2016 Seclusion

O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.     Psalm 51:15-17

Seclusion: I’ve traveled to a location now where life is as quiet in its unfolding as I have ever known it to be. It is a place I have been to before and one that helps refresh my spirit. I know it to be a wonderful, but dangerous place. In the quiet of the empty folds of the world can hide untested thoughts. In the solitude of my own reckoning, there is no guarantee of wise counsel. In the waiting for right answers, there may be impatience and temptation to accept lesser solutions. Too much seclusion? Oh yes, that is always a possibility and a rocky place indeed, for there lies the barren waste of feared abandonment.

Yet, have I ever truly been alone? Has anyone? Is a single tree on the plains not rooted to a forest of nourishment beneath? Does the lone path of invention forbid the idea of your spiritual wind being whispered into my heart?

When scripture says that you knew me before I knew myself, before I could even fathom the concept of completeness and compare it to the unlit places where rebellion against your sovereignty first percolated; You had mastered them both. You are in the tempest and in the flame; in the dance of brook-waters and the shimmer of starlight. Your lessons and your presence may take any form at any time, if only I will watch, and listen for them. So why do I close my eyes and shut my ears to your song?

In this era, each of us it seems, fancy ourselves evangelists of our own invention. I’m in no way different. In my isolation, I secretly hunger for individual recognition, so I make observations about life and declare them loudly, casting them to the wind (or windows, or the internet and social media) in hopes that someone else will agree. If others do not agree, at least I’ve caught some attention and therefore am relevant.

But Lord, is relevance mine to own? Just because I can create buzz, just because I have a thought, does that make my manufactured fact a truth? Maybe, instead of first seeking the approval of others, I should seek yours? Is that the missing bridge between my isolation and a promised land of real fellowship?

Nearly 2500 years ago, a last humble prophet spoke of your good news―your preparation for a great change in the state of the spiritual and physical worlds: Then came a void. It would be 500 silent years before a new voice shook the world. That voice spoke a very old message in a very new way. As with any new approach, it had to be metered out slowly in order to be ingested by a population resistant to change. So you offered small bites for them, for us, for me, to take in: The cry of an infant born into meager circumstances; the eagerness of a young boy to understand and challenge the thinking of the day; the servitude and lessons of a rabbi who walked in purity; the offering of a sacrifice that led to perfect redemption. This patient progression was not the norm then, just as it is not the norm now.

In this age, I’m too eager to stake claim to my opinions prior to understanding their overarching impact. I want to reinvent, fitting the world to the order of my needs rather than admitting perhaps that, as inconvenient and uncomfortable as it may appear, yours is the more encompassing plan.

Jesus―giver of light, hope, and grace―will you teach me more of patient humility and submission? Will you help me distinguish the Truth of your message in comparison to the fleeting philosophies offered by a selfish creation? I want less than to conquer territory for my own purpose and desire; I seek more alertness of and responding to your voice. Help me to better hear the pleas of the neglected ones; those ignored by we who clang our drums and symbols to be heard. I long to be nourished by your living waters―that might even be found in the silent, embarrassed tears of those who are too proud or too hopeless to request relationship. I ask to serve as you would desire, not as I would self-imagine the need.

What a blessed time is this, full of obvious and raucous clamoring, when a light approaching from the horizon of my solitude can still shine into my soul, if I will only turn to deeply consider its herald:

“Prepare the way of the Lord in the wilderness.

Make a level highway in the desert for our God.”

Thank you for this quiet moment that explodes with words of peace and your wish for goodwill and relationship with mankind. May we each discover in the solitude of our individual encounter with you; the beauty of your love. And may our hearts be bowed before you in humble realization, that before we ever considered a thought of service for ourselves, or making an offering of our “better ways” to improve others; you first served us by the design of your creation and in your sacrificial offering of salvation for our proud souls.

Praying for a blessed Christmas of solitude, shalom and preparation for all,

Mark C.

11-22-2018 Thank-Filled

O give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! Let the redeemed of the LORD say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble and gathered in from the lands, from the east and from the west, from the north and from the south.

Some wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way till they reached a city to dwell in. Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in affliction and in irons, for they had rebelled against the words of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High. So he bowed their hearts down with hard labor; they fell down, with none to help. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man!

For he shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron.          ―Psalm 107:1-16

Lord I keep forgetting and so, I thank You for reminding me…wait that’s wrong…thanking You is what this journal entry is all about and I cannot “thank” You―at least by my studies, not appropriately.

As I dig into the language of Your instruction, and the epiphanies of those diggers far more ancient and wiser than myself, I have been taught that the Hebrew script has no word for “thanks”. In fact the word typically used paints a picture of a far more descriptive, yet primitive act: I imagine it as someone so insignificant that they might be considered an insect to be squashed under foot. I imagine being that insect and looking up to see the mighty wonder of the foot and the Being whose foot I behold. He is so great that I cannot possibly take in His power and complexity. I prepare to die for that is my plight.

But instead, the Being reaches out with another appendage, a hand and carefully, gently picks up the insect-me. He beholds in return and speaks. I am astounded that I can understand him. He whispers (as to not destroy His creation with the power of His full voice) a word, “Yada”.

That is all. That is enough. It is a word that can only be perfectly conceived and spoken and acted upon by the Being. In my feeble reckoning and small measure I know it (through a lifetime of spiritual and mental wrestling) to mean a conjoining of many things into one: Truly intimate and passionate relationship, leading to growing familiarity, resulting in a new word: Ahav―Love. There is a Greek word which I have come to realize also describe this greatest quest for relation: Agape.

So the Great Being recognizes the insect in the most profound of ways, offering Yada. The insect at that moment has no idea of the magnitude and resulting blessing of The Gift. All the little-one can do is to offer what the little-one has in return. He picks up a stone (perhaps a pebble to the Being) and tosses it in His direction, acknowledging, out of fear and trembling, with wonder and appreciation that he, or she, has been recognized and…loved beyond understanding.

So, when I read Psalm 107, where David exclaims, “Give thanks to the Lord for he is good and his lovingkindness endures forever,” I was drawn to that word, thanks. I didn’t know what I could properly do to thank Him. I looked up the translation and the Hebrew says Yadah. Wait, Lord, to this insect that word is strangely familiar, but added-to. It is not the word You spoke on our first encounter. There is something, more. That “h” on the end is the same thing You added to Abram’s name to redefine him as Abraham―from father of height to father who worships the Higher One.

Lord God, am I to assume that Abraham and I have something in common? That we both have encountered You…respectfully perhaps, You have made Your presence known to us…and we both have tossed the pebble? And so we Yadah―recognize and honor the one who "Yadas"― Seeks a truly intimate and passionate relationship, leading to growing familiarity―us.

And it is as simple, and overwhelmingly comprehensive, as that. We cannot aptly thank You, but we can acknowledge and praise You, seeking to join You in an ongoing, on-growing relationship.

One astounding aside Lord, I am blown away at discovering the first being in the Biblical record to speak the word Yada. It was the serpent, enticing Eve to yada good and evil! And that is where the true questions begin―Is it possible that there is an Almighty Being to whom I can throw the pebble? And then Is there an antithesis, a being not almighty, but diabolical enough to entice my attention another direction? Even in the asking, there is a question―Do I have a choice in Yadah-ing One or the other? And there is one answer to it all―Of course I have a choice! True Ahav-Agape will allow nothing less.

Lord God, Maker of heaven and earth, I praise You with my pebble and appreciate as best I can that You first offered Yourself as a sacrifice-resurrected, in order that when sometimes my attention is distracted by the “other” choice, I can be forgiven.

And though I cannot properly thank You for all of this, I can be thank-filled for all You provide. My life, my family, friends, yes even turkey and all the trimmings, but most of all for Your offer of redemption and Your eternal desire for our Yada together.

Yadah to You, my God and Happy Thank-filled-Giving to you other journeyers out there.

Mark C.